Classic fm in my earbuds
Awake with an achy tooth
I see a spider silhouetted on the gutter
Caught in the glow of a text
Who in the hell would be messaging you
At three-o'-bloody-clock in the morning?
The screen of your mobile goes dark before I can draw focus

You're snoring like a pig
I creep around the bed and
Key in your passcode
Our dog's date of birth
To have all my fears confirmed

With a heart emoji
A heart emoji
And the words "I miss you too"

We were assistant bar managers at the [?] academy
Paying for our degrees, serving piss to the hordes
On a seemingly never-ending loop
I hadn't been working there very long
You were giving me a bollocking for pouring a Guinness wrong
When the announcement came over the pa
To evacuate the building

Huddling under your parka in the door

[?] You had the cheek to ask me on a date
I said, I'd not consider it

Until you apologize
Apologize, apologize
And mean it

Get the carving knife from the dishwasher
To stab through your heart
And take a backwards step
To feel the touch of something cold and wet
And to my horror, to my horror
There's a slug squashed between my toes