Alexander Downer:
Look at me, I'm Alexander D
Opposition Leader – now how'd that come to be?
No idea, I woke up and I was here
Lookin' like a superstar and feelin' queer.

Old money – and I'm a master of debate
Five minutes – and I might just meet my fate.

Cause I'm too freaky
I'm a greasy-cheeked freak
A leader of tomorrow, but I won't be 'round next week
Cause I'm too freaky

Band:
Too freaky!

Downer:
Twisted to the bone
And I'm thinkin' that I'm sinkin' like a stone…

But it's a chance in a million
That led me to this place
It's destiny that you and me
Should square off face to face

Paul Keating:
That's lovely, Alexander, and may the best man win.

Downer:
Ah, fuck me, I've got Buckley's in the state I'm in – pull the pin!

Look at you, you don't know what to do
Never thought a man could be so Lib'ral through and through
Yes I know, they wanna drag me back below
But I've got the things that batter!

Band:
Matter!

Downer:
Bugger – there I go!

Way looney – like Screamin' Lord Such
They're screw me – I'm just much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much too freaky!
I'm a greasy-cheeked freak
A leader of tomorrow, but I won't be 'round next week
Cause I'm too freaky

Band:
Too freaky!

Downer:
Utterly defiled
C'mon, Australia, let's get wild, wild, wild
I'm too freaky…