[Verse] I drove my Saracen through your garden last night, sing up the ra
I kicked your front door in around at midnight, sing up the ra
Something's tell me boy, you're avoiding me
And when I find you, you will go for your tea

[Chorus] Oh, I've got a brand new shiny helmet, and a pair of kinky boots
I've got a lovely new flak jacket, a lovely khaki suit
And when we go on night patrol, we hold each other's hand
We are the British Army, and we're here to take your land

[Verse] My good friend Bertie, he's in the udr, ooh arr ooh arr
Searching for weapons he will go near and far, ooh arr ooh arr
Up around by Cappagh, you'd never find him there
Oh the only gun he'll get there is an Armalite in his ear

[Chorus] Oh, I've got a brand new shiny helmet, and a pair of kinky boots
I've got a lovely new flak jacket, a lovely khaki suit
And when we go on night patrol, we hold each other's hand
We are the British Army, and we're here to take your land

[Verse] My good friend Trevor, he's in the ruc, I see I see
But now they've handed him his redundancy, I see I see
Folks along the border won't be seeing him any more
That Provo sniper will be missing him for sure

[Chorus] Oh, I've got a brand new shiny helmet, and a pair of kinky boots
I've got a lovely new flak jacket, a lovely khaki suit
And when we go on night patrol, we hold each other's hand
We are the British Army, and we're here to take your land

[Verse] My good friend Nigel, he's in the sas, oh yes oh yes
He said a change is just as good as a rest, oh yes oh yes
But now they've gone and posted him way down to Crossmaglen
He wishes to blazes, he was back in jail again

[Chorus] Oh, I've got a brand new shiny helmet, and a pair of kinky boots
I've got a lovely new flak jacket, a lovely khaki suit
And when we go on night patrol, we hold each other's hand
We are the British Army, and we're here to take your land

[Verse] My good friend Sammy, he's in the dup, I say I say
An upstanding member, as all the world could see, I say I say
I said, "Go up to Donegal, if you want to have some fun"
He said, "I'll take a run there, if I have nothing on"

[Chorus] Oh, I've got a brand new shiny helmet, and a pair of kinky boots
I've got a lovely new flak jacket, a lovely khaki suit
And when we go on night patrol, we hold each other's hand
We are the British Army, and we're here to take your land

[Verse] My good friend Johnny, he's left the uda, oh yay oh yay
He said it'll fair the lvf anyday, oh yay oh yay
Calling all his friends, "Get ready for a fight"
He's made an appointment to meet Billy Wright

[Chorus] Oh, I've got a brand new shiny helmet, and a pair of kinky boots
I've got a lovely new flak jacket, a lovely khaki suit
And when we go on night patrol, we hold each other's hand
We are the British Army, and we're here to take your land