Berthe:
She climbs a tree
And scrapes her knee
Her dress has got a tear.
Sophia:
She waltzes on her way to mass
And whistles on the stair.
Berthe:
And underneath her wimpole
She has curlers in her hair!
Sophia:
I ever hear her singing in the abbey.
Berthe:
She's always late for chapel,
Margaretta:
But her penitence is real.
Berthe:
She's always late for everything,
Except for every meal.
Mother abbess:
I hate to have to say it
But I very firmly feel
Berthe and sophia:
Maria's not an asset to the abbey!
Margaretta:
I'd like to say a word in her behalf.
Maria makes me laugh!
Sophia:
How do you solve a problem like Maria?
Mother abbess:
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
Margaretta:
How do you find a word that means Maria?
Berthe:
A flibberti gibbet!
Sophia:
A willo' the wisp!
Margaretta:
A clown!
Mother abbess:
Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her,
Many a thing she ought to understand.
Margaretta:
But how do you make her stay
And listen to all you say,
Mother abbess:
How do you keep a wave upon the sand?
Margaretta:
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?
Mother abbess:
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?
Margaretta:
When I'm with her I'm confused,
Out of focus and bemused,
And I never know exactly where I am.
Sophia:
Unpredictable as weather,
She's as flighty as a feather,
Margaretta:
She's a darling,
Berthe:
She's a demon,
Margaretta:
She's a lamb.
Sophia:
She'd out-pester any pest,
Drive a hornet from his nest,
Berthe:
She can throw a whirling dervish
Out of whirl.
Margaretta:
She is gentle,
She is wild,
Sophia:
She's a riddle.
Margaretta:
She's a child.
Berthe:
She's a headache!
Margaretta:
She's an angel!
Mother abbess:
She's a girl.
All nuns:
How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a clown and pin it down?
How do you find a word that means Maria?
A flibberti gibbet!
A willo' the wisp!
A clown!
Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her,
Many a thing she ought to understand.
But how do you make her say,
And listen to all you say?
How do you keep a wave upon the sand?
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand