This didn't used to be me, old boy
This isn't what I'd want
Pulling old night fighters
In a restaurant.
There's smoke and flames behind me
Where the self-respect all went
And I'm behind, behind
With the rent.

I've been stitched up like a kipper, old son
But I won't be again
Hell hath no fury
Oh, I'm like a lot of men.
Now I'm stalking this old Doris
With lascivious intent
And I'm behind, behind
With the rent.

Just a little duck and dive
And a bit of wheel and deal.
She'll remind me I'm a live.
She'll remind me I'm still feel
Just a little shelling out
For a bit of you-know-what
I know this is all about
Something that I never got.

Well this crumpet's past it's sell-by-date
But they all would qualify
They're going to be lonely
And be happy to comply.
She knows that I'm a chancer
Coming on like a gent
But I'm behind, behind
With the rent.
Yes, I'm behind, behind
With the rent.