[Ludacris] Oh god! Oh god! Ugh..

[911 Lady] 9-1-1 What's your emergency?

[Ludacris] Yes ma'am I got a hard problem, I got a hard problem…

[911 Lady] Calm down sir, it can't be that hard, Okay?

[Ludacris] No, no it can't, it-it can't… It is! My dick, it's been hard for over eight hours and it just won't go down!

[911 Lady] Excuse me?!

[Ludacris] I took one of them Viagras for the first time…

[911 Lady] Word?!

[Ludacris] And the first one didn't do anything, s-so I took another one…

[911 Lady] OK..

[Ludacris] And now my shit harder than titanium in this motherfucker, I've been knocking shit over…

[911 Lady] Damn, I ain't had no dick in 6 months..

[Ludacris] Why don't them shits come with directions?! I don't know what to do, ma'am help!

[911 Lady] Hey girl, Lisa!

[Lisa] Hmhm–?

[Ludacris] –My god, what was I thinking…

[911 Lady] –Call my shift, forward this call to my cell and confirm his address!

[Lisa] I got you!

[Ludacris] Swear to god imma kill Tyrone and them niggas, I ain't never listenin' to them niggas again man, I swear!

[Lisa] Mmm… Calm down, sir help is on the way!

[Ludacris] I can't believe these bitches set my dick up for failure!

[911 Lady] Well, what happened anyway?

[Ludacris] I had, I had invited this chick over, you know what I'm sayin', this bitch I knew from a long time…

[911 Lady] Mm-Hmm…

[Ludacris] And she said she was with her friend, and they both wanted this thang, man, like they both wanted to jump me off, you know what I'm sayin', and then–

[911 Lady] –Poor thang!–

[Ludacris] –it started going to voicemail, man I HATE these bitches, man why do they need to be doing this stupid shit?!

[911 Lady] Mm-Mm, sir, help is in the neighborhood!–Is it the last house on the right?

[Ludacris] …Right on the right… right? No, they right, THESE BITCHES AIN'T RIGHT!

[Lisa] Mm, don't worry about that! Momma gon' take care of you! Oh, is the one with the blow up dolls in the front?

[Ludacris] The one in the cut, with the furry bushes… it's got some furry bushes, yes it does… I done wacked off like three times! I don't know what else to do!

[911 Lady] Well, you ain't gotta do that no more! (opens and closes door)

[Ludacris] What the hell you doin' in my house?!

[911 Lady] Nigga, where the drinks at?!