Bein' a dad isn't so bad
Except that you gotta feed 'em
You gotta shoe 'em and clothe 'em
And try not to loathe 'em
Bug 'em and hug 'em and heed 'em

Bein' a dad can sure make you mad
Man it even can drive you crazy, it's as hard as it looks
You gotta read them dumb books
And you end up despising Walt Disney

Bein' a dad starts to get radical
When they turn into teenagers
You gotta tighten the screws
Enforce the curfews, confiscate weapons & pagers

But a daughter and son, can be sort of fun
Just as long as they don't defy you
They'll treat you like a king. They'll believe anything
They're easy to frighten and lie to

Bein' a dad. Bein' a dad
Bein' a dad can make you feel glad
When you get paperweights and aftershave lotions
Yeah it feels pretty great when they graduate
That's when you're choked with emotions

But bein' a dad takes more than a tad of
Good luck and divine intervention
You need air-tight alibis, fool proof disguises
Desperation's the father of invention

So sometimes you take off for a few rounds of golf
And you stay away for half of their lifetimes
The result of it all is you're captured and hauled up
Before a tribunal for dad crimes

Bein' a dad. Bein' a dad
Bein' a dad can make you feel sad
Like you're the insignificant other
Yeah right from the start, they break your heart
In the end every kid wants his mother. Bein' a dad