Central Scrutinizer:
But one night, at the Social Club meeting
Mary didn't show up . . .
She was sucking cock backstage at The Armory
In order to get a pass
To see some big rock group for free . . .

Larry:
Hey Hey Hey all you girls in these
Industrial towns
I know you're prob'ly gettin' tired
Of all the local clowns
They never give you no respect
They never treat you nice
So perhaps you oughta try
A little friendly advice
And be a CREW SLUT

Hey, you'll love it
Be a CREW SLUT
It's a way of life
Be a CREW SLUT
See the world
Don't make a fuss, just get on the bus
CREW SLUT
Add water, makes its own sauce
Be a CREW SLUT
So you don't forget, call before midnite tonite
The boys in the crew
Are just waiting for you

You never get to move around
You never go nowhere
I know yer prob'ly gettin' tired
Of all the guys out there
You always wondered what it's like
To go from place to place
So, darlin', take a little ride
On the mixer's face
Be a CREW SLUT
Just follow the magic footprints
Be a CREW SLUT
Hey, you'll love it!
Be a CREW SLUT
It's a way of life
I ain't gonna squash it
And you don't need to wash it!
CREW SLUT
Hey, I'll buy you a pizza
CREW SLUT
Of course I'll introduce you to Warren
The boys in the crew
Are only waiting for you

Larry:
Well you been to Alabama, girl,
'N Georgia too
'N all the boys in the crew
Is bein' good to you
I know you're sayin' to yourself
"This is the way to go"
'Cause when you need a little extra
They will give you some mo'
'Cause you're the CREW SLUT

Mary:
I'm into leather . . .

Larry:
That's good!

Road Crew Chorus:
CREW SLUT

Larry:
A lot of the boys in the crew
Love leather . . .

Mary:
And rubber . . .

Road Crew Chorus:
CREW SLUT

Larry:
Yeh, they like rubber too . . . shrink-tubing
With a hair dryer . . .

Road Crew Chorus:
Trade your spot on the bench
For a guy with a wrench
And be a CREW SLUT

Mary:
Ha ha ha . . .

Larry:
You like that, huh?

Road Crew Chorus:
CREW SLUT

Larry:
I told you you'd love it . . .
It's a way of life!

Road Crew Chorus:
The guys in the crew
Have got a present for you!

Mary:
A present for me?

Larry:
We got a present for you!

Mary:
Whaddya got?
Whaddya gonna give me?

Larry:
It looks just like a Telefunken you-47
You'll love it . . .

Mary:
With leather?

Central Scrutinizer:
Eh errr, eh eh . . . This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER again . . .
And so MARY was enticed away from JOE
By an evil barbarian with a wrench in his pocket
Lured into a life of SLEAZERY
With the entire road crew of some
Famous Rock Group
(I don't know whether it was really Toad-O . . . I don't know . . . I'll check it out)

Again we see
MUSIC
Causing
BIG TROUBLE!