Countdown, get ready for the blast off
And don't forget the hype, we're going into space
Distinguished scientists, a pesky senator and monkey turds leaking from the lab
All brought to us play by play by Howard Cosell

You're going where no man has gone before
Don't ask us where that is, we have no idea
You're chosen for this great mission because we owe you some favors
And besides, you're bright, a little too bright

Step one, senator, your vomit
It's time to analyze it for the folks back home
Open the hatch, launch the war satellite that the commies aren't supposed to know about
Our real challenge is to keep it a secret from the press back home

You're going where no man has gone before
Don't ask us where that is, we have no idea
You're chosen for this great mission because you're healthy and strong and make a lot of fuss
Especially around us, we like you better when you're far away

Have you noticed you're going the wrong direction?
We have but that's your problem, we planned it that way
We had to dispose of all of you so we can spoil the final frontier
How dare you question our Star Wars plans for the farce that they are?

You're going where no man has gone before
For rocking the boat in our temple of doom
You're on a one-way ticket to Pluto, we wash our hands of you and your lost ark
So don't forget to write, no no no no no no no no no