Dear mom I'm sorry for being such an ass
I killed the cat I broke your glass
I'm sorry I'm such a pain in the neck
Nobody's perfect but what the heck
I'm sorry that I didn't pay attention
I'm sorry that I'm on suspension
It wasn't me, honestly, It was joe
I'm a good boy

Dear dad I'm sorry for kicking your ass
I know you're weak and soft like grass
I shouldn't have listened to the voices in my head
It's not my fault, it's paranoia
I'm sorry for robbing all your booze
And giving it to hobo dudes
I didn't want to but they made me
I'm a good boy

Dear drug dealer I'm sorry I kissed your ass
Then you knocked me out with a bit of brass
I thought if I sucked up you'd let me go
See, I'm depressed so now you know
I'm sorry I gave you in to the cops
Telling them you was growing illegal "crops"
I wouldn't have done it if you had been nice
I'm a good boy

Dear rover I'm sorry for booting you hard in the ass
Whilst you was sniffing the drug grown grass
I'm sorry that I stood on your tail
It wasn't my fault, I was pissed on ale
I'm sorry that I didn't give you doggy treats
It's not my fault the tin was jammed
I'm a good boy

Dear joe I'm really sorry for blaming your ass
You was actually in the gym that day
But I'm already in so much trouble
I guess I'm not such a good boy