Mercury's day is 59 days long, 800 degrees the sun
Seems so strong.
Venus is hotter by a hundred degrees. It turns the
Wrong way and is hard to breathe. Co2 gas makes me so
Depressed.
Earth is next in line and Earth is the best.

Now Mars' year is almost twice as long. It's cold and
Those dust storms seems so strong.
Jupiter is just way too big, with 16 moons just makes
Me sick
Saturn is not dense and with that it's blessed, but it
Can't beat Earth because Earth is the best.

Earth is the best.

Earths Got Chinese Food And Microphones
Earths Got Orbit And He Likes Ice Cream Cones
Earths Got People Who Are All Alone
Earths Got Hot Rod Cars and Al Capone

Uranus is the 7th planet from the sun with a stupid
Name that is just plain dumb
Neptune is cold and it smells real bad like sick
Ammonia and methane gas.
Earth has it's faults and that we confess, but you can't

Beat Earth because Earth is the best.

Earths Got Chinese Food And Micropones
Earths Got Porno Stars and Ice Cream Cones
Earths Got People Who Are All Alone
Earths Got Andrea and Slide Trombone

Poor little Pluto is so damn small; some people don't
Think that it's a planet at all.
Clyde thinks so and that's good enough for me.
It beats planet X which you can't even see.
The asteroid belt, man, give it a rest.
You can't beat Earth cause Earth is the best.

The Chorus for the first part is

Earths Got Chinese Food And Microphones
Earths Got Orbit And He Likes Ice Cream Cones
Earths Got People Who Are All Alone
Earths Got Hot Rod Cars and Al Capone

Then for the next 2 times it's

Earths Got Chinese Food And Micropones
Earths Got Porno Stars and Ice Cream Cones
Earths Got People Who Are All Alone
Earths Got Andrea and Slide Trombone