If it wasn't for the beans
That come out the can
Or the peas and beets
To ripen
The milk and bread
At the grocery store
I couldn't eat no more
Let me tell my wife
(His wife, she can't cook)

Lord, if I thought she could read
I would buy her a book
But all she knows how to do
Is fuss and holler
She don't even know
How to boil water

Let me tell ya what we had last night
On the dinner table
A tomato
The nastiest stuff you ever wanna see
And she was tryin' to feed it to me

Let me tell ya
I think that woman is downright
'Cause here the sister
With coldcuts and gravy
Now coldcuts and gravy in a
I thought I'd choke but I got through
Well she said
(Spit it out, spit it out)
What you say? woo hoo
Oh but I guess I'm gonna eat this slop
Any old way

So don't you get me wrong
I love that girl
I guess I'm about craziest old man in the world
But I got to love her
'Cause I got no friends
Aww, here she comes
With red beans and onions again
And she say…

What you say?
Ohh, woo hoo
One two three four
Five six seven eight
Nine eight seven six
Five four three two
One more time, come on

Early in the mornin'
Woah, hoo
(His wife, she can't cook)
Cook them beans, cook 'em clean
Put 'em in a pot and let 'em stink, come on
(His wife, she can't cook)
What you say?
Woahh, wooo

Come to the doctor
You wonder why
I just ate them beans
And I'm about to die, come on

Hey baby
(His wife, she can't cook)
Ohhh, wooo hoo
(His wife, she can't cook)
Aww, just a little bit louder, come on