It's got to be noontime somewhere
But out here it's quarter to ten
And I'm well on my way to feeling no pain
Soon I'll be Barstoned again

Barstoned again
Flat on the ground
Doin' nothin' but drinkin' since I got to this town
The porcelain goddess is waitin' for me
Can't decide whether to puke or to pee

I'm sittin' here sippin a cold one
I ought to be working, I know
After all of my dreaming and all of my scheming
Who'da thunk I'd be drunk in Barstow

Barstoned again
Flat on my ass
Doin' nothin' but drinkin' since I quit smokin' grass
So line 'em up Phill
Pour straight and clean
Point my ass toward the karaoke machine

My baby left town this morning
Got on the 9 o'clock train
My dog got the hiccups
Fell out of my pickup
Now I'm sitting here drowning my pain

Barstoned again
Flat on my face
Somehow I've gotta get out of this place
But happy hour's startin'
The hot dogs are free
And that blonde with the dentures is winkin' at me

Barstoned again
One of these days
Gonna put down the bottle
Come out of this haze
Someday we're gonna break out, but 'till then
Let's head down to Whoos and get Barstoned again