I'm one of a long line of good girls
Who choose the wrong guy to be sweet on
The girl with a face that says welcome
That men can wipe their feet on

I'm there when he calls me
The trusted girl Friday alright
But what good does it do me
Alone on a Saturday night

If you need a gal
To go without sal'ry and work too hard
You can always count on me
The kind of a pal
Who'd sneak you a file past the prison guard
Loyal to the N'th degree

The boss is quite the ladies man
And that's my biggest gripe
'Til I showed up he's never hired
A girl 'cause she could type

I'm no femme fatal
But faithful and true as a Saint Bernard
Barkin' up the wrong damn tree
You can always count on me

I don't need a map
I nat'rally head for the dead end street
You can always count on me
I'm caught in a trap
When joy is approaching, then I retreat
I'm at home with misery

I've been, "The other woman"
Since my puberty began
I crashed the junior prom
And met the only married man

I'm always on tap
For romance or choc'late that's bitter sweet
You can always count on me
A matter of fact
If you want an ill-fated love affair
You can always count on me

Though I've made a pact
To carry out research
Before I care
Men don't give a warranty

One Joe who swore, he's single
Got me sorta crocked, the beast
I woke up only slightly shocked
That I'd defrocked a priest

Or else I attract
The guys who are longing to do my hair
You can always count on me
I go for the riff raff
Who's treating me so so
When I can play the second fiddle, I'm a virtuoso

I should be playing for a wedding band
But there're no wedding rings attached
Though you can bet
There're strings attached

Though my kind of dame
No doubt will die out like the dinosaurs
You can always count on me
I'm solely to blame
My head gives advice that my heart ignores
I'm my only enemy

I choose the kind who cannot
Introduce the girl he's with
There're lots of smirking motel clerks
Who call me, "Mrs. smith"

But I've made a name
With hotel detectives who break down doors
Guess who they expect to see
You can always count on, bet a large amount on
You can always count on me